


Different not Less

by Mjazilem



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Disabled Character, Disabled Character, Everybody Lives, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Newly Disabled Character, Talking, blind, not graphic, spine injury, talk of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9592121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mjazilem/pseuds/Mjazilem
Summary: The Rogue One Team heals after Scarif.  Early One Morning Chirrut and Baze offer their advice and hard earned wisdom on life charging disabilities with Cassian and Jyn as they deal with Cassian's injuries.Bodhi shows up in chapter 7, he was sleeping too warm and comfortable to wake up for the other chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic talks about dealing with Disability, both having one and trying to help someone with one.
> 
> I am autistic which in my case is an invisible disability so I've not had exactly the same experiences Cassian and Chirrut. I am happy to take suggests from anyone who has gone through what the character's in the story are, I do want to be accurate to the experience. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

“Just stop! Jyn!...” Chirrut can hear Cassian's raised voice across the quiet infirmary from where he's seated. This is the first time he's been out of his room and not in a bacta tank since getting back from Scarif. Baze said a change of scenery would do him good. Chirrut had brought up that he couldn't actually see the scenery but Baze had still insisted. 

There is a crash and a bang that echo's off the walls leaving Chirrut unable to tell where it came from. He can guess though. “Leave it!” Cassian's voice raises again confirming Chirrut's suspicions. He hears Jyn's voice “Fine” and then her footsteps.

Chirrut listens carefully as she takes six steps, at least he is pretty sure it's Jyn's uneven gate he's hearing. She still has a slight limp. Six muffled steps and then the steps become clearer. 

The floor is linoplast and doesn't make a lot a noise. Chirrut thinks she must have left Cassian's room and entered the infirmary's common room where he's is sitting. But what he's hearing isn't as clear as he would like. He listens as she keeps movings. He tilts his head one way and then the other to try and get a read on the room and where she's heading. 

It's an exercise, Baze would probably tell him to take it easy, that he's still healing and should rest. But Chirrut can't rest, he can't help but want to know about everything around him. 

Chirrut figures the common room must be large. It certainly feels larger than the room he was in and he crossed eighteen steps to get from the threshold of his room to the table where he now sits. Baze took fourteen to go out the door to his right. 

Jyn has taken fifteen steps now and stopped.

“Chirrut,” She says and Chirrut jumps. The sudden movement jars his still healing ribs and shoulder. He stifles a grown. 

As intently as he was listening he hadn't realized she'd crossed the room to stand right in front of him. It's unnerving that he couldn't tell, he blames it on the concussion that is still making his head ache. 

He plasters a smile on. “Jyn, how are you this morning?” he can hear the hoarseness in him own voice and chooses to joke to try and lift everyone's spirits. “It is morning right, I haven't seen a clock all day.” 

Jyn chuckles but Chirrut can hear the sniffling watery sound in her voice, she's upset. 

“It's good to see you up Chirrut, how do you feel? do you need anything, I'm going down to the dining hall for some caf.”

“No, Baze has gone to get us breakfast, I expect him back soon.” 

“Ok, I'll...” She stops talking and it gets quiet, for a second Chirrut can't tell what she's doing or where she is and he feels himself start to squirm with uncertainty. He turns his head and tilts side to side trying to hear her better and then realizes he can feel the kyber hanging around her neck and he relaxes slightly. 

Jyn turns back to Chirrut she doesn't know why she bothered looking back to Cassian's room, what was she expecting, for him to come chasing after her. Chirrut is looking in her direction with a puzzled expression on his face. She realizes suddenly she'd stopped talking mid sentence. Embarrassed, she clears her throat. “I'll be back soon.” She says softly. 

Chirrut inclines his head towards her. “He will be fine.” Chirrut makes a guess as to what was on her mind. 

“I... thanks.” Jyn sniffles, takes sixteen steps and is out the door. 

Chirrut is alone again except for he thinks a medical droid that is somewhere in the room. He can hear whirling and beeping but no movement, so it could just be some kind of monitor and not a droid. He's not sure. The human staff should be making their rounds soon. 

Chirrut pulls the blanket Baze draped around him back up over his shoulder. He thinks about meditating but he's been doing a lot of that since waking up here at the rebel base lucky to be alive. Right now he's too curious to meditate. 

Baze found him a new staff to use with the promise to look for a better one. This one feels like an old broom handle in his hands. It would probably be worthless for defending himself he supposes it will do for now. 

He taps it on the floor. The linoplast floor is rubbery feeling and doesn't make much noise, probably a practical choice of flooring in a medical facility but not so useful to him. Chirrut's curiosity gets the best of him and finds the table next to him on his left is metal and he hits the table leg with the staff. It makes a nice clank. He hits it again and then a few more times, tilting his head side to side trying to get a feel for the room. 

It's difficult, as difficult as it's ever been. Echolocating without a transmitter box is hard at the best of times and this definitely isn't his best times. He gets the impression of two doorways in the wall in front of him. But it's not clear, he's not sure and he already knew there were two doorways, his and Cassian's so it's not that impressive either. 

He can't sense anything else. It's an isolating feeling. 

He's frustrated and runs through a list of things that could be impeding him, the concussion which he could only let heal, the pain medication which would probably be stopping soon enough, the hearing loss... that he's been told is permanent. 

He wants to get angry about another handicap being thrown at him. He wants to yell and curse. Instead he breaths and thanks the force he and Baze and their friends are alive. He hits the leg of the table again and concentrates. 

“What is that racket?” Cassian makes it to his doorway and leans heavily on the doorjamb his crutches supporting him as he looks out into the common room. He finds only Chirrut sitting there looking innocent and still somehow mischievous. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you.” Chirrut says evenly, clutching his makeshift staff. 

“If you did not mean to then why would you make such noises?” Cassian huffs and moves slowly into the large open room. 

Chirrut can hear crutches and shuffling as Cassian makes his way across the room. Baze and Jyn had told him Cassian's prognosis but he'd not been in the same room as the captain until now, at least not while they were both conscious. 

Cassian suffered a spinal injury and some internal damage. It was a miracle that he was actually on his feet the Alliance medics were good and it was a blessing of the force that they had bacta tanks, the whole of rogue one had really benefitted from that, Cassian probably the most. But he would probably have persistent weakness in his legs, and he might never walk unaided again. 

Chirrut was sure it was a hard thing for the captain to hear, that nothing more could be done. Chirrut knew all about life changing bad news. 

“Should you be up?” Chirrut tilts his head towards Cassian. 

“I could ask you the same question.” Cassian points out gruffly. Chirrut's mischievous smile widens and he doesn't disagree. 

Cassian stops and stands near the common room table. 

From this distance he can see the blind man looks pallid and tired with dark circles under his eyes and very little color in his lips and cheeks. He looks small sitting in the chair bundled in a blanket. 

Cassian knows they had to do surgery on Chirrut to remove shrapnel from his back and stop some internal bleeding. He wasn't sure the extent of the Guardian's injuries, but he must he doing alright if he was sitting here and with no Baze in sight. 

Cassian doesn't see Jyn out here like he had hoped he would “Did Jyn leave? Did you see...hum did she come by here? Was she angry?” He asks the guardian. 

“I believe she was upset when she went. Perhaps more sad than angry.” Chirrut hears Cassian's crutches move again, the rebel captain groans with the effort of moving towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Chirrut asks without turning towards the captain. 

“To find Jyn.”

“She'll be back, she's just gone to the dining hall.”

“I need to apologize, I was frustrated and I took it out on her, she was just trying to help.” 

He'd been trying to get his boot on the way the nurse had showed him. He'd been at it a while when Jyn came in all smiles and good cheer, seen him struggling and pulled the boot on for him like it was nothing. His frustration had boiled over, at that point and without intending to he wound up yelling and accidentally knocking his breakfast tray off the bed. Thankfully it was nothing but an empty plate and cup so not a big mess but he'd certainly made a mess with Jyn. 

“I'm sure she'll understand, everything will be alright.”

“How do you know? And don't say because the force wills it.” Chirrut picked up on Cassian's overall frustration and decides he'll ignore the snide comment and instead of lecturing on the force offer some friendly advice. 

“Come sit...I think you and I should talk.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jyn huffs as she makes her way down to the dining hall. She keeps her head down, really hoping not to have to talk to anyone. She keeps playing what happened with her and Cassian over and over in her head. She can't figure out what she did that had upset him so much. She knows he's going through a difficult time, she saw he was struggling and she helped...what was so wrong with that. 

She grumbles a bit to herself as she makes her way to the caf, all she wants is a nice hot cup and to figure out what she was going to say to Cassian when she got back up to medical. 

She is drowning her sorrows in her cup when she turns around and nearly walks straight into the back of Baze. She makes a squeaking noise as she tries to keep her caf from spilling. 

Baze turns around and gives her a look, his expression softens when he sees it's her. “Morning” He says softly as way of greeting. 

Jyn composes herself and grabs a sweet roll from the counter. “Chirrut said you were down here getting food, find anything good?” 

Baze looks down at the tray he's carrying, it all looks good to him. He and Chirrut have rarely had the luxury of being picky about what they eat. “More interesting then what they serve in medical at least...” He'd been discharged but had stayed with Chirrut and they were mostly given warm cereal with supplements to eat. “How was Chirrut when you saw him, was he...ok?” 

“Yes, he seemed good. I was surprised to find him by himself. You could have sent a droid to pick up food.”

Baze had hardly let Chirrut out of his sight for the last week. He was actually making a conscious effort not to hurry back right now like he really wanted to. “He's a grown man, he deserves some space. What about you? Been spending most your time with the captain.” Baze asks as they both start walking in the direction of Medical.

“I went to see him and he was trying to get his boot on and he was struggling to bend over and I pulled it on for him...then he was shouting and upset and I don't know what happened so I came down here.”

“Aaaahh.”

“Aaaahh? Aahhh what?”

\----------------------------------

Cassian isn't sure what to do. He wants to go after Jyn but he doesn't know if he can make it two levels down to the dining hall. Cassian shifts awkwardly. Between the crutches and the braces on his back and legs he's uncomfortable no matter how he moves. 

Chirrut can hear Cassian's hesitating movements. “I'm sorry, can you sit or would it be too painful?”

“No, no I can sit.” Cassian maneuvers over to the seat on the opposite side of the table from Chirrut. He sets his crutches aside and lowers himself into the chair. He groans and grumbles frustratedly and He has to take his legs in hand and move them to a more comfortable positions. Once he's situated and as comfortable as he can be, he looks across the table to find Chirrut turning his head far to the left, so much so that Cassian looks over his shoulder. He doesn't see anything so he figures it's just Chirrut. “What did yo want to talk about?”

“Tell me, how many doors are in the wall here in front of me.” Chirrut gestures towards the side of the common room where their rooms are. 

Cassian raises an eyebrow. “The doors? There are four along that wall, three patient's rooms and an office.”

“hhuumm.” Chirruts brows knit, Cassian isn't sure what the reaction means. 

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” Cassian questions. 

“No... is there a droid in the room with us?” 

“Yes, why do you need something?” Cassian asks concerned and proceeds to shift so he can call out to the droid who was at a charging station in the corner.

“No no, thank you,” Chirrut stops him. “I was simply curious. I wanted to tell you what you're going through, it's the starting a new chapter in your life. It is not an end but beginning.” 

“What are you on about.” Cassian shifts uncomfortably. He likes the Guardians, both are brave and fought hard by his side but he prefers the company of Baze. Baze said it how it was, Chirrut liked to speak in riddles. 

“How are you adjusting to your new circumstances?”

“How am I adjusting...” Chirrut could hear the undercurrent of anger and frustration in his words. They were familiar feelings that Chirrut could relate to. Being able bodied one minute and then told you never would be again was a maddening thing. 

“I know it's not easy, life changing situations like these, it takes patience, bravery, and tenacity but you are strong you will be fine.” 

Cassian crosses his arms in front of himself, Chirrut does not pick up on the closing gesture but does hear the disdain in the captain's voice. “They're looking into other treatments they'll find a way to fix this.”

Chirrut nods thoughtfully, denial was often one of the hardest challenges to overcome before one could begin to heal. “They might, technology can do amazing things but that does not help you in the here and now. Acceptance of your current situation no matter how long it maybe is important, so acceptance, patience, bravery, and tenacity.”

“What do you know about it?” Cassian looks the blind man up and down and slowly realizes the other man might know a lot about it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hhhuuumm.” Baze made a knowing noise, visibly frustrating Jyn. After a second he figures he better cut her a break. He didn't generally like to talk about personal things but if it would help.

“When Chirrut first lost his sight.” Baze starts only to be interrupted as Jyn stops in her tracks. 

“He wasn't always blind?” Jyn had no idea, as well adapted to being blind as Chirrut seemed she'd imagined he must have been born blind. She realizes now she really did just assume that she hadn't actually heard much about the history of the two guardians yet, her curiosity is peaked. 

“No...” Baze offers no other information about that. He can see the questions in her eyes, he's not going to answer them today. The story of how Chirrut came to be blind was not the story he needed to tell it was irrelevant to the point. 

He keeps walking Jyn catches up. “When it first happened it was hard, hard of course for him, but we both had lots to learn. It's hard to watch someone you love struggling. I'd try to help but overstep and misstep, he'd be frustrated and we'd get angry with one another.”

Jyn's brows furrowed. “How did you overstep? What in the world did you do?” Jyn doesn't think Chirrut would be mad at Baze just for helping, that's what significant others were suppose to do, help one another. 

Baze clears his throat and glances at the young woman before focusing his gaze down the hallway they're walking. “Like I said it's hard to watch someone you love struggle, especially when you can help. But you must remember it's their life that's been truly change, you can decide you've had enough and just walk away they can't. 

When Chirrut was starting to learn how to get around and adjust to being blind, I'd get so nervous for him and I'd move things out of his path and grab his arm to stop him walking into someone. At first it seemed like the right thing to do. I was at his side almost constantly. 

Then one morning I got up and couldn't find him. After looking everywhere I found him in the temple infirmary. He'd been walking the temple alone that night and tripped and fallen. He'd bruised his knee and busted his chin. 

I was so upset, I asked why he'd gone out and not gotten me. He told me he needed to do it on his own, he needed to learn how to get around obstacles in his path and find his own way and he'd never be able to do that if I kept helping. 

It's hard but sometimes you have to stand back and let love ones fall and let them pick themselves up.”

Jyn thought about what Baze was telling her and tried to put it into context with what had happened between her and Cassian. That was what Baze was getting at wasn't it? “So I shouldn't have helped Cassian?”

“It is always best to ask, before just doing something. Give them the choice, it's their life.”

“So you really let Chirrut walk into walls and trip over things.” Her voice has an hint of disbelief in it. She finds it hard to imagine, Baze seems so protective of Chirrut. 

“I did and it was painful to watch and sometimes he got banged up. I did stop him from falling down a flight of stairs once. He was mad at me until I explained how many steps he would have tumbled down. After that we agreed that anything less than four steps and I was to let him fall.” Baze shakes his head remembering. Stubborn fool. 

“I just try to be there to support him. If he asks for help, I don't question it. 

One day he'll be able to make his way just fine on his own and then the next day he might ask for my help. I learned long ago it is not useful to say 'why do you need help? You had this yesterday. What's the matter?' Because he'll tell me if I need to know. If he wants my help and I can give it, I do. 

And there can be lots of reasons why he might be comfortable one day and not the next, you never know, maybe he didn't sleep well the night before, maybe there are more people around than usual, maybe he's getting a cold and his ears aren't working well.” That has been an issue for Chirrut in the past, his ears... Baze gets quiet at the thought, there's a cold worried feeling in the pit in his stomach. 

“I don't know if I can do it... watch Cassian fall I mean. I can't imagine being ok with standing back and letting it happen.” 

Baze's voice is deep and gruff as he addresses her concerns. “If you don't let him do things himself and he doesn't learn, what will he do when you aren't there to help him. Which is crueler in the long run?”

“When you put it like that...” She bites her lip. “So I have to get used to watching him struggle.” Baze nods. 

“You and I, we'll go through it together little sister.”


	4. Chapter 4

“and what do you suggest I accept about my current situation? That I am crippled and destined to be on the sidelines for the rest of my life or is this about Jyn? Should I have just accepted her help and said nothing?' Cassian spits harsher than he means to. 

“Neither." The guardian seems unfazed. "I am merely suggesting that you must accept your condition to be able to work with it. You are not less now just different. I'm blind, did I sit on the sidelines? No, I fought, fought with sighted abled bodied men and prevailed.”

“and that is admirable Chirrut but...” Cassian's tone softens. Chirrut was an exceptional person, one look at the way he fought would tell anyone that. 

“I don't tell you this to be admired. I tell you this so you know, having a disability isn't a death sentence. If I had felt that way when I first went blind there would have been so many great and wonderful things that I would have missed out on and I don't want that to happen to you.” 

“Chirrut, I just... I'm not you. I've always been able to trust my feet to get me out of trouble. Now I'm not sure what to trust.” Cassian can see Chirrut's answer written on his face. Cassian would like to have that kind of trust, he just doesn't. “Chirrut, you have the Force.”

“And you do not?” His head and voice quirk with the question. “The Force surrounds all living things. It guides all of our paths. I put my faith in it because all is as the Force wills it. That does not mean the Force does all for us. It did not teach me to navigate the halls of the temple without my eyes or how to recognize my dear Baze by nothing but the sound of his footsteps I had to work hard and learn those things for myself.” 

“I am trying to learn.” He had after all been trying to get up and dressed by himself a little while ago. 

Chirrut nods with a thoughtful smile on his face. He recalls a Master of the temple telling him once something he'd heard from a Jedi Master. 'Do or do not. There is no try.' 

It had been infuriating at the time. And Chirrut had meditated on those words many times over the years trying to work out their meaning. 

His interpretation of the words is that one must commit wholly to the thing and do. To say you'll try is to leave one's self an excuse to doubt, to give up. 

It was a very Jedi thing to say. 

Chirrut had always felt that their teachings could be too severe. He preferred to think that by saying you'd try that one was allowed to gage their ablities and forgive themselves for mistakes or even failures. 

Making mistakes was how you learn. Forgiving yourself for those mistakes was how you grew and trying again was what made you brave. 

He'd walked into many walls trying to navigate the temple and he'd walk into many more now, he knew. But he would never stop trying. 

“It is good that you try.”

\------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean, we'll go through it together?” 

Baze hesitates, but he's already spoken so much, why stop now. “Chirrut, he is in a dark spot right now.” Baze says soberly. 

Jyn looks at him concerned and confused. She knew Chirrut had been badly injured but from everything she'd heard and seen he was recovering. “He seemed in good spirits when I saw him just now.”

“Oh yes, it takes a lot to knock the smile from his face,” Baze says fondly. “No, I mean, Chirrut, well so much of what he relies on to get around has been lost or damaged. I'm worried he's going to have to go through so much to learn to adjust all over again.”

“What he relies on? He has the Force doesn't he. He is one with the Force and all that.” 

“He'd love to hear you say that.” Baze shakes his head. “He has faith in the Force but he's no jedi and the Force doesn't work that way. It doesn't allow him to see or guide him where he's going. He uses his other senses and especially his ears so much and the blast that nearly killed him damaged his hearing, badly in his left ear. The medics have said the bacta has helped some but they think his hearing will never fully return.”

“Oh.” 

“His Echo Box Transmitter is damaged passed my ability to fix. I've taken it to the Alliance engineers who've promised to do their best to fix it but there's no guarantee.”

“Can it be replaced? What does it do?”

“The transmitter sends a signal out that bounces off of things and give Chirrut an idea where things are around him. With the Empire trade embargoes it's been really hard to find parts and tech, I doubt we'll be able it find a replacement if it can't be fixed.” Jyn knew there were just somethings that were hard to get a hold of right now. She had hope though that the smart people with the rebellion could come up with something. All the droids around here there had to be some useful part somewhere. 

“and his staff was destroyed when Scarif was.”

“You got him a new one shouldn't that help.”

“It will some. It can help tell him about surfaces he was walking on. Help him avoid obstacles ahead of him but it's not going to be as helpful as the old one. It's not near sturdy enough and the other one was personal."


	5. Chapter 5

“Had he had that staff a long time or something?”

“Well maybe a few years now, he's no stranger to breaking them.” Often over someone. “The wood was the same strong stuff we used for the quarter staffs at the temple and the metal at the top was a lamp with a small piece of kyber in it.” 

Jyn's fingers flitted over her own kyber. 

“Chirrut's always been able to sense kyber, it's a gift or a talent of his, he's on the same wavelength or something. The kyber crystal in the end of his staff, it let him sense the staff and it's location and distance. I'm not sure what can be done for a replacement.” Real kyber was expensive and would be harder to get now that Jedha had been destroyed. Baze had been thinking about a replacement for a couple of days in anticipation of Chirrut getting up and around. Maybe some kind of comm device attached to the staff could make a noise or frequency that Chirrut could use. 

“If Chirrut needs a kyber crystal...” Jyn thought about it only a second before she'd made up her mind. “take mine.”

It was Baze's turn to stop walking, surprised. “No, I can't and Chirrut he won't except it.”

Jyn stands in front of the broad guardian. “He doesn't have to know.” The look on Baze's face said one thing and Jyn knew it was true. “He'll know, won't he.” 

“of course he will.” Baze nods and continues walking. “Thank you for the offer, we'll figure something out.”

“You'll have help.” She promises. 

“Thank you, so will you.” 

\----------------------------------------

Cassian sighs heavily. He'd only been out of the bacta a few days and he was trying to get used all this. He looks with a frown at the crutches he's been given. The medial team had gotten him on his feet almost as soon as he got out of the bacta tanks and it all seemed to so strange. 

His legs feel too heavy and the brace keeping him from moving his injured back too much is stiff. 

He tries to remember it's a miracle that he is alive, that Chirrut and Baze, Bodhi and Jyn are alive. That's what's important.

He still can't help but feel frustrated. 

“Be kind to yourself.” Chirrut's voice cuts threw Cassian's thoughts. “Care doesn't just come from those around us. No one knows your body, your abilities and your limits like you do. Push yourself when you can and reserve your strength when you can't, both are important as long as you're trying.” 

“You make it sound so easy.” Cassian tugs at the strap of the brace on his left leg. Cassian feels like he was in school and should be taking notes but he supposes what Chirrut is saying makes sense. 

“Easier to say than to do, I know, but that is what takes patience, learning your needs and learning to deal with other people.”

“To deal with them?” The captain looks across the table at the blind man who has a rather knowing looking in his eyes. 

“Some people mean well, they're trying and I can appreciate that even if I have to tell them to stop what they're doing because it's not helpful and really it's just making things harder for me...and other's can go stick their heads up a bantha's backside for all I care.”

Cassian snorts and coughs amused at the man's language. “A bantha's backside, really?”

Chirrut's eyebrows furrow and he leans forward in his chair. “Those that are dismissive, those that don't take the time to listen or understand, those ones that think they know better than I do about myself and what I can do.” Chirrut's voice gets low and serious and Cassian blinks a bit startled. He gets a sense of how frustrated Chirrut must have been over the years. 

After a moment Chirrut sits back. His demeanor relaxes. 

“Those that mean well though, their support is a boon and must not be taken for granted.” He says with a light tone that is strikingly upbeat to how he sounded a second ago. “They are not going through the same thing you are but they are having to adjust and cope and they will make mistakes and they will get frustrated. They will frustrate you to no end. I speak from experience. Communication is important. And of course know that you have my support. If you need someone to talk to you, I will talk.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jyn is thinking hard about all the things Baze has told her about Chirrut and what she needs to do to best help Cassian. So hard in fact that she misses the fact that they've reached the Infirmary and nearly walks past the door. Only Baze's change of direction alerts her to the fact that they've arrived. 

He backs up through the door with his tray. Jyn pauses outside as the door starts to close. She needs a second to center herself so she's ready to see Cassian again. 

Baze comes into the infirmary, before he even says a word the blind guardian knows it's him. Cassian can't help but notice how Chirrut lights up, sits straighter and smiles wide. Baze greets them both at the table with a low “morning.” 

Cassian nods but before he can say anything more he sees Jyn slip into the room. He suddenly feels self conscious and can't seem to get any words off his tongue. 

Baze sets what he's brought in front of Chirrut unfazed by Cassian's lack of response focused as he is on his husband. 

Baze removes his cup caf and fruit from the tray and sets them aside before giving Chirrut some guides. “There is a tray in front of you, bowl in the middle, cup with tea on the left, spoon on the right, sweet roll and piece of fruit in the top right of the tray.” 

Chirrut's fingers gently move around the tray finding all the things Baze mentioned. “Thank you my dear.” 

Baze kisses Chirrut on the top of his head and pulls a chair up next to him. They sit close, knees touching under the table. 

Jyn has come to stand in front of Cassian and looks positively abashed. Baze glances across the table at his two teammates, silently hoping he helped in some small way before shifting in his seat and looking elsewhere. 

Jyn swallows past the lump in her throat and speaks first. “I'm sorry I didn't ask if you wanted my help.” 

Cassian considers this quietly before apologizing himself. “I'm sorry I shouted.” Jyn nods and Cassian reaches out his hand to her. She takes it and squeezes. Both acknowledging the apologize and the acceptance. Jyn pulls up her own chair next to Cassian and sit with her caf still warm in her hand. 

She looks across the table at Baze and Chirrut, she wants that kind of supportive love in her life the kind they have and her parents had. 

“How long, do you think, till they start squabbling like the old married couple that they are?” Cassian whispers. 

Jyn smiles into her cup, then says loud enough for them to hear. “I'm sure Baze and Chirrut never squabble.”

Chirrut sets his spoon down. “No squabbles, just conversations.” 

Jyn starts to say something about long lasting relationships and communication but Chirrut keeps talking. 

“Yes, conversations where I am always right.” 

Baze sits up at that with a 'hrumph' but shrugs rather than argue. 

“See.” Chirrut grins, Baze rolls his eyes. Cassian can't help but smile at the look on both of the guardian's faces, pure cheekiness on Chirrut and loving exasperation on Baze. Cassian finds himself feeling a twinge of jealousy. To have love and humor in these difficult times is a precious thing. 

Baze rolls his shoulders a bit and stretches his stiff leg. It was good to take a walk, he's starting to feel like his old self again. 

Chirrut hears his husband grunt and groan and feels him shifting next to him. “doing alright?” 

“Not bad.” Baze admits. “Shoulder feels pretty good. I think the time in the bacta tank might have helped with the click in my knee.”

“Oh. I thought you sounded different.” Chirrut nod knowingly. 

“No you didn't.”

“Yes I did, there was definitely something different, I could tell.” 

“Oh... you could tell.” It was a familiar back and forth, one they'd had many times over the years. But it felt slightly different now. Though Chirrut had a smile on his face, Baze knew Chirrut's hearing was concerning him. Maybe the familiarity of the words was enough to be a comfort. 

Baze takes a bite out of the interesting fruit he had gotten at the dining hall, it's round and sweet and it's juice drips a bit but he wipes it off with the back of his hand. 

He glances at Chirrut, who has gone very quiet. The blind man is eating slowly, taking his time. His movements are very deliberate like he's concentrating. It's how he's eaten since waking up here. 

Baze knows what it feels like to be stitched back together and healing, he was very deliberate in his movements than too. Careful to listen to what his body was telling him. For once Chirrut wasn't being reckless. 

Cassian is telling Jyn about an attendant who sometimes works in the the dining hall who always seemed to give him a double portions whenever they're serving. He pauses his story and shifts is his chair and making what sounds to Jyn like a pained noise. 

“Do you need something? Are you in pain? Should I get the droid? ” Jyn asks looking Cassian up and down as if she could find the problem just by looking. 

Cassian shakes his head and his grimace turns into a small smile meant to be reassuring. “No, no, I just need to stand, I think.” 

“Ok, what can I do?” Jyn sits up ready for instructions. Cassian is surprised by her eagerness but pleasantly so. He thinks for a moment, he wants to find the easiest way to do this. 

“Could you just hold the chair?”

“sure no problem.” Jyn gets up and moves behind his chair while Cassian gets his legs and crutches in position and pushes up using the chair's armrests. He does appreciate Jyn holding the chair steady, it is one less thing he has to worry about. 

He gets on his feet and gets his crutches under him without to much pain or trouble, for which he is glad, it feels better to be standing. “Thanks” He smiles another small almost bashful smile at Jyn and moves over so he can push his chair in and stand behind it. 

Jyn stands awkwardly behind him. Cassian isn't sure what she's doing and then realizes that she doesn't know what he's doing. “If you want to sit, I'll finish my hum... story.” 

Jyn gets it but she doesn't sit instead she decides to stretch her legs too and leans against the back of her chair. “So what, does this person have a crush on you or something?”

“Or something, I guess.” Cassian can feel his ears getting warm, he really hopes he isn't blushing.


	7. Chapter 7

Bodhi is feeling well this morning, when he wakes up and hears voices he chances a peak out of his room. He is surprised and pleased to see familiar faces in the common room. 

He's seen Jyn and Baze around and he's visited with Cassian but this is the first time he's seen Chirrut awake and aware since they've been back. It's very exciting and a bit overwhelming. 

Jyn sees him in his doorway and waves him over. Bodhi blinks half surprised and then hesitating unsure of what to do, does he go to the table, does he sit, where does he sit, is he suppose to wait in his room for the droid or the medic. Question run in a flurry through his mind.

Bodhi makes awkward noise. He is hyper aware when the other's look at him, Cassian starts to say something, and Jyn starts to get up, Baze leans over to Chirrut. 

It's Chirrut who calls out to him first. Chirrut turns his head toward Bodhi and gestures at a chair next to him “Here, my friend, sit, are you hungry?” 

Bodhi takes the direction grateful that he doesn't have to figure it out on his own right now. 

He eases himself down in the chair, carefully settling back easy so he doesn't jostle his injured arm. He was wearing the sling he'd been given so that helped. 

He got comfortable and looked up to find Chirrut looking at him. Bodhi was startled by the older man's striking blue eyes. Then he remembers Chirrut is blind. 

“Here.” Chirrut holds a sweet roll out to him. 

Bodhi doesn't take it looks nervously from the roll to Chirrut and back. “no no I can't”

Baze leans over. “Chirrut you eat, his breakfast is coming.”

“He's too thin, he needs a sweet roll and not the thin porridge they'll bring him.”

“How do you know he's too thin?”

“I know the Empire didn't feed him.” Chirrut says and Baze makes a grunt acknowledges it's the truth. 

Chirrut turns back to Bodhi on his left, Bodhi isn't sure what to to when Chirrut turns too far like he's looking past him too far to his left. Bodhi starts to open his mouth to say something, but isn't sure what to say. 

Chirrut tilts his right ear towards Bodhi, he can hear him fidgeting. “I hear I owe you my life. Thank you.” Chirrut smiles and holds the roll out to him again. Bodhi looks around trying figure out what he needs to do. 

Baze actually catches his eye “Take it.”

Bodhi does with a small nervous smile. “t thanks.” Chirrut smiles wide. 

Bodhi and Chirrut eat while Baze and Jyn finish their caf and Cassian rocks on his crutches. They all talk until the doors open and the medical staff filed into their section of the Infirmary. 

“It's time for bandage changing.” One of the nurses calls and they all move in and get to work. 

The medical staff is efficient. All the bodies and movement all of a sudden startle Chirrut. It's not that it's loud, it's just that he can't figure out how many there are and he thinks he's figured out where all of them are and then one of the nurses is suddenly next to Bodhi ushering him away. 

Chirrut gets anxious trying to track it all. Baze sees the way his husband tenses. He puts a hand on Chirrut's shoulder, hoping the contact is comforting. 

Everyone goes to get bandages changed and a round of meds. Some attend therapy. Baze sits by Chirruts bed as Chirrut sleeps. 

At dinner time they all put food orders in with the droid except the guardians. Baze insists he will get his and Chirrut's dinner like he had breakfast. The task helps him feel like he's helping, like he has some control over his off kilter life and lets him scope things out. So he treks to the dinning hall. 

Cassian and Bodhi play cards in the common room while waiting for their food. 

Chirrut asks Jyn if she will walk with him. 

“Are you sure you should?” Jyn asks, looking down at the man seated at the table again with a blanket draped around his shoulders. 

“Not far,” He clarifies. “just around the room.” 

“If you think it...” 

“I do.” Chirrut pushes up from his chair, possibly a little too eager, Jyn steps in grabbing his arm to help steady him when he looks sure on his feet. 

He stands and holds tight to his makeshift staff. Jyn keeps hold of his elbow. “Which way do you want to go?” 

He pauses. “First...” He moves her hand from his arm and then takes her arm by the back of the elbow. “It's better like this.” 

“Right, got it.” 

They make it around the room once with Jyn discribing what they're passing. Next lap around Jyn decides to asks some questions. 

“So Baze was telling me this morning about when you first went Blind... How did it happen? If you don't mind talking about it.”

Chirrut is quiet for a minute, thoughtful and Jyn starts to think maybe this wasn't the right time to ask. 

Chirrut speaks evenly when he does speak. “Baze and I as Guardian's of the temple of the Whills were pledged to protect the temple and also the city including the people in it. That meant we aided the poor and ill. There was always a risk tending the ill. People came from all over the galaxy to Jedha and brought many diseases. We always helped as best we could to tend to them when there were outbreaks. I was about your age when an illness was tearing through the city. Baze and I went to help, I got sick, I survived where many didn't. My sight was taken by the fever.” 

“I'm so sorry that happened.”

“It is as the Force wills it.” 

Jyn supposes that is true, the Force has a plan for them all. “When it first happened how did you handle it, it must have been so upsetting.”

“Aaahh, when I first woke up with my wits after the fevered delirium and could not see I was overtaken by so many things disbelief, denial, shock. Over the next few days and weeks I went through bouts of sadness, I grieved for the things I would never see again.” 

She hums, imagining herself in the same situation. “And after that.”

“I didn't grieve everyday and I thanked the force for what I was still able to do, which was quite a lot even if I had to do it differently or with help.”


	8. Chapter 8

They walk a little further while Jyn thinks about what Chirrut has said and what Baze had said earlier. “Chirrut,” She says trying to make sure she is speaking clearly even though her nerves would have her mumble. “Baze said... he said you could use a piece of kyber and if you'll have it, I'd like to give you mine.”

Chirrut's steps slow as he processed what Jyn was saying. “That's... that's very generous of you Jyn, but I can't. I can not take the crystal your mother gave you from you.”

“But I want to give it to you, if it will help you.” It was the one possession that she owned that was sentimental to her but what was sentiment compared to helping a good man, a friend. 

“That's very sweet little sister, but no, it is not really our choice living kyber picks it's owner.” 

“I...”

“If you would assist me back, I think I will sit at the table again and wait for Baze to return.” Chirrut turns in the direction of the table and Jyn nods before realizing she needs to speak too “Of course.” 

Baze returns shortly and so do the droids with everyone else's meals. 

Jyn holds her kyber crystal, thinking, while she picks at the food on her plate. The others around the table talk. The crystal feels smooth and warm in her hand. It feels likes it's vibrating in her hand.

Chirrut is eating contently when he suddenly feels the presence of another kyber vibration. He hadn't heard anyone else come into the room but there it is without a doubt, another. Chirrut stops moving so he can focus and try to pick up who else is there.

He feels Baze next to him on his right, he knows Bodhi is on his left, the young man has a nervous air about him that Chirrut picks up on easily, Then Cassian was across the table his voice carries as he tells them about the different planets he's been to with the rebellion and Jyn is next to the Captain her fork tapping and scrapping on her plate in a noise that is starting to set Chirrut on edge. 

He becomes frustrated when he doesn't hear anyone new, just the new kyber. 

Baze watches as Chirrut stops eating and goes still. Baze's attention becomes solely focused on Chirrut. He leans in to ask “Are you alright my love?” 

Chirrut doesn't reply just furrows his brow which alarms Baze who thinks his partner must be in pain. 

“Can I get you anything? Does something hurt? Do you need a medic?” 

Chirrut holds up a hand to silence him and leans forward closer to the new vibration. 

Jyn notices the guardians shifting and as she starts to ask them what's the matter her hand slips from her crystal, as it does a sliver comes away in her hand.

She gasps shocked. “Jyn?” Cassian asks concerned. Jyn holds her hand out to him the kyber sliver resting in her palm. “I... that was unexpected.” 

She turns excitedly to Chirrut and finds him facing away from her. She's so used to him being attentive and usually facing at least in her direction that she's surprised. Then she remembers his hearing and realizes he's turning his undamaged ear towards her to hear better. 

“What is it?” Baze asks. 

Jyn stands and walks, a little two fast for her injured leg, to the other side of the table to better show Baze. “It just came off on it's own.” 

Baze looks down at the little thing in her hand and back up to the crystal that hangs around Jyn's neck. It is indeed a piece. Baze can make out where the sliver has come from the side of the one hanging around her neck. It's half as wide as it is long and a breath thicker on one end then the other.

Chirrut, next to him, is being very quiet. Though one look at him tells Baze his husband is hyper alert, if a little confused about what was going on. 

“Chirrut, I think my crystal has decided.” Jyn says seriously. 

Chirrut turns his head towards Baze's direction, hoping for an explanation. 

“Hold out your hand.” Baze instructs and Chirrut can hear a smile in his voice. Chirrut holds out his hand palm up and feels something small and light placed in it carefully. 

“This is for you.” 

He feels its warm vibration immediately and blinks with wonder at the delicate gift he's holding. 

He gently runs his fingers over it getting a feel for its size and shape and smoothness. It sings to him. 

He is aware that not everyone can hear kyber. He thinks it's a shame because the crystals make a lovely noise, like chimes and bells and bird songs and each has it's own voice. 

He is awed. 

Chirrut bows his head over his hands and says a quiet prayer thanking the kyber and the force for this gift. When he's done he has the biggest smile on his face. “Thank you.” He says towards Jyn who is beaming.

“You're welcome, I hope that it will help.” 

“Yes it will...” Chirrut grabs his staff and starts to get up. 

“ah ah ah” Baze stops him. “You sit there.”

“But Baze...” Chirrut starts to argue that he has something important to do. Baze's expression softens. 

“No, you're healing. You sit there and eat. What is it you need? I will get it.” Baze offers to keep his husband from doing something reckless, like getting distracted and not finishing his food or rushing off and ripping his stitches. 

Chirrut sits back, Baze puts a hand on his shoulder and waits. 

Chirrut stops and regroups. He accepts his husbands help, mostly because his side had begun to ache. “Something to protect this...please, my dear.” He still holds the kyber gently in his palm, like it wasn't one of the hardest substances in the galaxy. 

Baze nods, hums in understanding and heads to Chirrut's room. When he returns he has a piece of Chirrut's old robes. The robes were in tatters after Scarif and the medics had to cut them off of Chirrut's prone body but Chirrut insisted that he keep them claiming he could make use of the remains. 

Baze hands a square piece of soft red fabric to Chirrut who spreads it out on the table next to his tray, places the crystal sliver in the middle and then folds the fabric up and around to keep it safe. He places his hand over top of it. 

“Good?” Baze asks. 

“Yes.” Chirrut confirms. 

“Good, now finish your food.” Baze smiles fondly at his husband and then nods his thanks to Jyn.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little short tag to end... I think.

“So... is that a piece of Kyber, like the real thing?” Bodhi asks in a quiet voice, he's been sitting quietly watching everything go down around him and he's not sure what's happened but it seems important.

“It is.” Chirrut smiles turning towards the younger man. 

“Really? Like... like what's was in temple?” Bodhi had seen Jyn's necklace but had assumed it was like the ones found in the Jedha market place, they looked pretty but weren't real living kyber. 

“Yes, like the crystals we protected at the temple.” Chirrut can feel the force radiating from the sliver under his hand. 

“Wow.” The younger Jedian understands that a real piece of kyber is special. 

“It's truly a gift of the Force.” Chirrut turns his face up and looks very much to Bodhi like the temple Monks when they would give blessings on the steps of the temple. They seemed very holy and like they were a part of the Force themselves. 

“It's a gift from Jyn.” Baze grumbles next to his husband. 

Chirrut's spiritual air is broken as he turns to Baze. “Through the Force!” In Chirrut's mind Jyn was acting as a channel for the will of the Force so yes it was from her but from the Force too. He'd explained this to his beloved many times. “Why must you be so stubborn.”

“Because someone's got to keep you grounded in reality.” 

Chirrut huffs but doesn't expend any more energy on argument. They had agreed to disagree on long ago.

“What will you do with the piece. Have it put on a necklace like Jyn's?” Bodhi wonders. 

Chirrut shakes his head. “It would be wonderful if this piece could be mounted on a staff like the one I had.”

“You had Kyber in your staff?” Cassian questions from across the table, surprised. Kyber is a rare and sought after thing, the Empire has been plundering sources of it for years. Not many people even among the most devout Force believers had a real piece and to have two in their small group have a piece seems improbable, maybe the Force really was with them. 

“Chirrut, you're not a Jedi are you?” Bodhi knows that Chirrut and Baze are, or were, Guardians of the Temple of the Whills but he heard stories as a boy about Jedi being at the temple. His eyes are big but luckily they are focused on Chirrut and he misses Baze roll his eyes. 

Chirrut laughs lightly. “No, I'm not a Jedi. There are many different ways to experience and venerate the Force. The Jedi were not the only ones in the galaxy who felt the force.”

Chirrut turns back towards Baze. “Do you think this piece will be able to power a lamp?” 

“I think it will, I'll have to see what parts we can find, that and a decent piece of wood or a real quarter staff.” Baze tears his bread roll and chews it thoughtfully. 

“Why a lamp?” Cassian asks what everyone else is thinking.

“It was Baze's idea.” Chirrut grins. 

Baze suddenly looks almost bashful. “Chirrut is, hum, sensitive to Kyber, he can hear it and having it on the staff helps him locate it...” Baze starts to explain and Chirrut finishes much to his chagrin. 

“and the lamp helps Baze locate me.” Chirrut says with a grin. 

Baze feels his face start to get warm, this was a little too much personal information being put out in the open. He clears his throat very aware that the other three at the table are looking at him, smiling like they're amuse. 

“Well, I go where he goes, it was just difficult to follow sometimes.” 

“I'm much better then him at finding my way in the dark.” Chirrut offers as an explanation. “We all have our strengths.” 

“In the dark...” Bodhi says in a low voice. “like in the tunnels under the temple?”

“Huhum.” Baze answered simply, but in the market, in the towers, in the alleys, in the dessert, anywhere it got dark and Chirrut might abruptly change course the lamp had helped Baze follow. 

“You mean they're real? I thought the tunnels were just a legend!” Bodhi says excitedly. 

“Oh, there were definitely tunnels, from the temple to all parts of the city. We'll have to tell you about them sometime. Right now both of you.” Baze looks around the table. “All of you need to eat, your food is getting cold.” 

Baze looks back down at his tray and away from all the smiling and mumbles about how he can't believe how much food they were given here and how he thinks everyone should be more appreciative of it and not waste it. 

Chirrut leans closer to his husband and laces his fingers with Baze's and squeezes.


End file.
